Bullying

...apparently, it happens at ANY age!

Let me just say before I even begin telling this story/experience, that I respect my elders and I feel they deserve that respect even if they are not always agreed with. However, no matter the age, gender, religion, education or success level ... I WILL NOT TOLERATE A BULLY!

On Monday, Jocelyn and I had to run over to Lawrence to do a number of errands, which included going to the library to get books for her preschool curriculum. Of course we had to hit the restroom first and then headed towards the children's section. As we were walking into the children's section, I see a young girl (maybe pre-teen) being led into the library by a young man (maybe early 20's), and they too were headed for the children's section. It was immediately apparent to me as they were walking, that the young girl most likely had something that resembled Autism, but of course I was just taking a guess from first impression. Either way, nothing that I saw bothered me in the slightest ... just made an observation.

Jocelyn and I sat next to the computers to look up some books, and the young man and girl sat close to us in the comfy couch section. As we were doing our thing, we suddenly heard this bewildering yelp from the young girl which was immediately followed by the young man saying "we are in the library and we don't do that in here." He didn't correct her in a mean fashion, just made that statement. Instantly the girl did it again even louder and the guy said "if you keep doing that then we are going to leave ... you need to come near me and play." Again, I didn't see anything wrong with how he talked to her, his tone, his manner of correction/guidance and really, she didn't bother us with her "noise." I mean seriously, we were in the children's section and so what, because she has some uncontrollable condition she can't be in there? She wasn't being that "disruptive" and the people present were far and few between.

So anyhow, after the second little outburst (I guess you could call it that), an elderly woman (I would guess at least 70's) came over to the young man and asked "Is that girl with you?" Of course he replied "Yes" and the woman proceeded to ask where her mother was and so forth. At first I thought maybe she didn't like seeing a younger girl with a young man ... that could be a reasonable objection perhaps? The young man explained that he was her caregiver, the mother was at work and all the while he seemed really distraught. The woman pressed on with more questions in an extremely disapproving voice and the young man explained to her that the young girl did in fact have Autism, that it had been a bad day and sorry for the outburst.

I kept thinking, "What are you apologizing for? She's not bothering anyone and it was a simple little yell that lasted maybe a millisecond! Why are you even answering this lady's questions and why does she care so damn much?"

So the elderly lady continued to pester the young man and ask for the mother's number so she could inform her of how this young man provided care, asked what his name, who he worked for and so on. The guy was actually going through this phone to get the numbers for the lady to write down!! What?! It was obvious that the young man was getting really upset (and not like angry, we are talking more emotionally upset as in tearful), and actually looked more desperate for help than anything. He asked the elderly woman what she was so upset about and she said, "I think you could be doing a much better job with her than you are, and someone should know about it."

At that time I got the young man's attention and said "Hey, listen to me, you are doing an excellent job ... don't let some stranger get you upset." In the very next breath I told him he doesn't need to explain anything to anyone and definitely not give out personal information like the girls condition, names, phone numbers, etc. The elderly woman looked at me with this glare, like I really cared, so I glared right back at her square in the eyes because I'll be damned if she was going to intimidate me. As she glared at me I told her "Ma'am, I don't think you perhaps understand the situation ... she isn't bothering anyone." She then condescendingly said, "Oh no little lady, I understand perfectly. I was an educator for many years. Oh I understand." Of course you can probably imagine my reaction because like I said, I don't care who you are or what you've done, it doesn't give you the right to belittle or be aggressive towards someone over nothing.

It was more than apparent that the guy was trying to care for this young girl. And again, I know that some caregivers aren't the best, I've seen it myself in the clinical setting and when I worked for the state, but from what you could gather at that moment, he DID care and was trying his best. It's not an easy job caring for a person that has behaviors, physical disabilities and the list goes on and on. Its more taxing (yet can be supremely rewarding) than anyone could possibility imagine unless you've experienced it first hand!

I suppose the lady thought her comment would shut me up, but that wasn't happening. Apparently she didn't know I wasn't your run-of-the-mill stranger that was going to idly standby and not intervene. I'm telling you, her behavior was absurd!!! As the elderly woman pressed for more answers and demanded the names and numbers of everyone, I eventually told the lady it was none of her business and she needed to leave the young man alone. She still wasn't getting the message, so I proceeded to tell her that she was the one with the problem, that even with her "education" that she apparently knew nothing of Autism and that SHE was the one being rude and disruptive.

It was either because of the growing audience or my tone, but the library staff in the children's room came over to us to intervene and made the lady leave.

Shortly after that unexpected episode, Jocelyn and I checked out our books and were on our way to finish the rest of our errands. To my surprise, as we walk about the door, the old lady was outside WAITING FOR ME!!! Are you kidding??!!! As soon as she saw us, she got up and started to walk towards us and I immediately put up my hand, looked at her and said in my most authoritative voice "Look lady, don't even waste your breath ... I have NOTHING to say to you!!"

After I got Jocie and I into the van I sat there thinking, "What the hell just happened? Where do these people come from?" Just as I was starting to feel guilty for being so ugly to the woman, I thought of my own brother and how badly he was bullied throughout most his life.

You see, my brother (all my brothers in fact ... I'm the baby) is older than me, and I always thought he could take care of himself. A lot of times I would think to myself "I'm a girl and younger ... how would I get people to stop bullying him? Do I really want to get involved ... my life is hard enough!" But was it? Was it really in comparsion to his? Now, I don't think it was. When your in middle school and high school things seem tough for everyone. You are always criticized for what you do and don't do, or if you are "different," and sometimes you are just thankful to make it through another day. Often times I was viewed as the one with a "I don't give a damn attitude" and a lot of the time that was true, but not as often as people may have thought. Or people would say "you just do your own thing all the time" and again, that was often true. I had an out-of-town boyfriend, worked nearly full-time and basically wasn't all that involved in my class' high school drama. Later in life I had high school friends tell me they were "scared" of me and of course I had to laugh because I would think really?

When I think about my brother and everything he endured, my heart aches so badly. I would pass him in the hallways at school and I distinctively remember the look he would have in his eyes. That look like he wished someone would just reach out and give him a hi-five to let him know they liked him and that he existed. That look like hey, let me know that I matter ... that you're on "my side!" Shamely I would often ignore it. Who does that? Geez, now I'm going to make myself cry this morning! What you do and don't do can effect you for a lifetime!!!

I'm telling you here and now that I regret not being a stronger person then, and especially for someone that I love and care about. I'm sure I didn't stand up for him because I was a teenager myself and going through my own issues, but I know now that they weren't anything like what he experienced. He needed me, and others, and often times no one was there. Please know that then, even now when I get mad or frustrated at you, that I LOVE YOU brother ... very much! I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed someone. You and Jocelyn have inspired me to stand up for people who can't. I will never allow someone to be bullied or hurt in my presence ... ever! I love you both!