When in the Military ...

Sometimes your BEST FRIEND is technology!!

Its hard to be away from your kids no matter what, but when you are in the military you are not gone simply days, but weeks and months on end.  When you have a child that is older and non-verbal, the challenge to stay close, to stay in the picture and interact with one another becomes even more difficult.

How hard is it as a parent to not be able to hear your baby's voice? Just imagine, if you never heard your daughter or son talk to you, how would that affect you? It would be devastating. Some might not think that is the case for us because Jocie so far, has not been able to talk, but instead, you mourn and yearn for that even more.

When you're a baby, no one expects for them to talk to you, but they still enjoy the sounds of their parent's voices and faces. Once a child becomes Jocelyn's age, 3 years-old, they begin to expect you to be in their lives, miss you and NEED you physically present in more ways than one. In Jocelyn's case, this may be even more so. Kids need and want to played with, to be touch, to be tickled and loved on, have stories read to them, snuggle ... their needs are endless because well, they are children and children are needy little boogers! :)

Unfortunately, with the military life, the solider -- OUR solider -- is gone a lot and doesn't get to spend those intentional moments together.

Justin's gone so often, that it is easy for me to think that "he's fine with being gone," "that he doesn't worry about us because I have it under control," "that he just doesn't need to be with Boogie the way that I as her mother does."

Absolutely Wrong!

In fact, I think Justin misses us terribly, tries his best not to worry about things he has no control over, cringes when Boogie is not well because daddy can't be there to try and make it better, wishes for kisses and hugs from his "little stinky," having his family near him, sharing all the small things that go on -- just simply being together. Men are "doers" ... "fixers" ... and need that contact. I'm not saying women aren't, but we are typically the stronger communicator, etc. For Justin, I think its incredibly hard to talk into a phone to Jocelyn without ever getting a response. Does she enjoy his voice? Yes, but on his end, I know he yearns for more.

But like I said, luckily there is technology -- although not always dependable, reliable or available technology -- nevertheless, sometimes when the moons align juuuuust right, we are able Skype with one another.

 

 

For now, this is simply how Jocie and her daddy have to interact and love on one another.

 

Here's a picture of Jocelyn looking, watching and listening to her daddy. I can see the love on her face that she has for him.

 

Steals my heart every time I watch them together.

When I see the two of them interact, when I see the joy on BOTH of their faces, when I can HEAR in Justin's voice how much he misses Jocelyn ... its like a constant reminder that being in the military is not for the weak, the weary, its not easy, its something that is valued but comes with a huge price ...

 

Justin, like all soldiers, sacrifice so much more than their time, energy and talents. Its just too easy to forget all the important things -- the people -- that they have to sacrifice being around in order to do their job for all of us.

 

You might not be here physically Big Daddy, but you ALWAYS have your girls' heart next to yours!

For the love of ...

JOCELYN!!!

Everyone's kiddo is something pretty spectacular, and our sweet little Miss J-Rae is no exception to the rule!

Today she's reminded me of SO MANY things that I adore about her. She reminded me that even though everyone else focuses on what she CAN'T do, that it's always important for me to first focus on what she CAN do. That the things that can't be done right now ... can't be done ... YET!

{Mama LOVES you more than life itself babygirl!!}

I truly do love and cherish your uniqueness precious daughter of mine!

Below, are the following things that Jocelyn reminded me of today that I love so much about her:

1. The way she still looks up at me and smiles when we cuddle -- that look like "oh yeeea, that's the sweet spot mama."
2. How thrilled she gets with simple play. She loves playing "Where's Mommy?" or "Where's Jocelyn?" She delights in the element of surprise!!
3. That she likes to dance with me. When I'm holding her, I put out my hand and ask "Do you want to dance?" and she gets this huge grin and then places her hand in mine. Nothing feels quite like the tiny hand of your angel.
4. How it never fails that she giggles in her sleep
5. That somehow, someway she Facetimed her Aunt Cindy this morning all on her own. Seriously, I don't know how she did that, and she did it with her TONGUE no less!
6. How serious she is when she tries to talk.
7. That she loves sitting in my lap reading a bazillion books.
8. How animated and expressive she is without ever saying a word.
9. That she still has "baby bangs" and such sweet, soft curls that suit her perfectly.
10. How in the brief moments that she makes eye contact with me, it feels like all is well in the world.
11. That she thinks its funny when she farts.
12. How opinionated she can be.
13. That her dancing jig that she does when Baby Bear is on Sesame Street is uniquely hers. That she gets so overly excited that her whole body shakes.
14. How even though she tires so easily, that she's a dang hard worker than most.
15. That she is getting stronger everyday. Today? She was able to play with play dough!!

And for some eye entertainment.

{Simple Play!}

 

{Some serious, opinionated talking}

{Pure excitement ... pure JOY! She LOVES Sesame Street!}

{So proud of her that she was able to squish and tear the play dough. Her hands have never been strong enough or coordinated enough to do this. I was beyond surprised & thrilled!}



Just got some news ...

But first, somebody PLEASE tell me ... PLEASE ... why does everything have to be so damn hard all the time?

WHY?!?!

For the last few weeks (2 or 3 at least) we have missed our therapy sessions at Easter Seals Capper Foundation. Why? Well it turns out that our insurance has changed a bit. No big deal really.

UNLESS, you are a business that ACCEPTS this insurance and are not keeping up with the do's and don'ts, what's changing, what needs to be done and so on. C'mon, be a professional and be on top of your game!

I just don't understand!

If you are a business, that is in the business of helping and taking care of people, why would you not file the paperwork, make sure all your T's are crossed and I's are dotted, to ensure that your clients can continue receiving your services?

So here's the problem. Because our insurance changed, Easter Seals needed to be PROACTIVE and ensure that they submitted their paperwork so that they would continue to be a participating provider.

Did they do this? No.
Did everyone else that we see do this? YES!

So I don't understand why now, even though everyone else received a letter and information about this big insurance change, that they are scrambling to do all this AFTER our insurance has changed.

I don't do the waiting game very well. 

And who is it hurting? JOCELYN!!!
And why do I feel like I'm the bad guy for not wanting to pay out of pocket.
Justin bust' his ass to have the insurance we have. He's gone constantly. Not only have we not budgeted for this type of "surprise," but we shouldn't HAVE TOO when our insurance will pay. And they would continue to pay if they would've done THEIR part!

Now don't get me wrong, we do lots of therapy here at home, but that is not the point! I can't always do everything for everyone, and trust me, it feels like I hold the hand of many people to guide them through what needs to be done and I'm SICK OF IT!!

Trust me, if I would've known that they didn't have their crap together, I would've been on top of it and ensuring it was already completed. There was no reason for me to believe this would have been an issue. Why would I think they wouldn't do their part? Everyone else we receive services from has done everything for this insurance change over!!!

What does this mean for Jocelyn?

• It means that she will not be getting insurance covered therapy/services AT LEAST until May.
• It means that during this time, we have two choices: pay out of pocket to receive therapy that SHOULD be covered completely by insurance, or not come at all.
• It means that during this time, if we choose to not pay & come, she more than likely gets put on the waiting list. I know some parents that have been "waiting" since LAST August to see a speech therapist!!!!!!
• It means that during this time, her prescription to see the therapist(s) expires and we would need all new scripts. But guess what, since they dilly-dallied around, we couldn't even get those approved even if we wanted too because they do not have an agreement with the insurance. So guess what else, this also means a LONGER waiting period for yet another approval and who knows if we will even get to be seen.
• It also means that since Jocelyn's speech therapist will soon be giving birth to a sweet child of her own, we would not only have to get a script for a DIFFERENT speech therapist, but there might be the chance that we get no one??!!!

I get so tired of trying to police every place we go, giving instructions, helping people do their job because they AREN'T DOING IT!!!

I just can't keep doing this.
 - its EXHAUSTING
     -- its discouraging
          --- its just plain wrong

I'm so mad yet want to cry all at the same time. I just don't understand why everything has to be so damn hard ALL . THE . TIME!!! Its like nothing we ever do is easy ... not even for a minute ... NOTHING!!!

Do I think that Jocelyn getting speech therapy once a week for 30 minutes or physical therapy once a week for an hour REALLY makes a huge difference? No. I know that what matters is what we do at home, but that is not the point!! I need someone to bounce ideas off, to catch something that I might be missing, offer advice, to keep ME encouraged and focused, to ...

I can't even talk/write about this anymore. I'm thoroughly frustrated and discouraged. Its so hard when its road block after road block!

Want Refreshing?

Delicious?

     Insanely Sweet?

          All Natural?

               A soon-to-be family favorite???

So what the heck could that be?

I'll tell you!! Its a favorite of mine on a warm summer day, but since I'm sick and in need of all things healthy and good -- I made one TODAY!

~ Mint Basil Watermelon Juice ~

 

Here are the 5 things you need:

1. Blender
2. Fine, mesh strainer/sieve
3. Watermelon {Duh! Of Course! Chilled & seedless is the best!}
4. Fresh Mint
5. Fresh Basil

{Strainer not present}

Now what's to follow, is super challenging.

 

          Ha! NOT!

 

Cut up as much watermelon as you want and shove it into the blender, since its just me, I cut up half the melon {and it still made LOTS!}.

{1/2 my watermelon filled this twice}

Blend on high and do not add anything to this -- just simply blend the watermelon for 10-20 seconds.

Once blended, strain through the sieve. You don't have to do this, but it makes the juice super smooth, clear & bright pink! It doesn't take long at all either.

{If straining slows down, use a spoon to get all the liquid through}

YOU'RE ALMOST DONE!!

The last thing you do is grab a glass, pull off a several basil and mint leaves, drop them into the cup and then pour in your watermelon juice!!

{So simple -- SO DELICIOUS!}

You will NOT regret making this!! :)

{Yum! Wish there was a better pic but uh, I'm sick, so this is the best ya get! :P}

If you have others around, and you make this, they will love you forever!!! Your taste buds and body can thank me later haha

Quality Time

These days, everyone is over worked, extremely busy and have schedules that are jammed packed nearly everyday, all day.

Sometimes its just nice to stop, take a breather and enjoy one another.
          Have no agenda, no goals
                    ... just simply BE TOGETHER and spend good QUALITY TIME with one another!!

Jocie has been sick since Friday. I'm not sure if its simply a rough case of allergies, or down right sick seeing how she has spent a few days in a new environment (ie preschool) and lots of those kids seem to cough, sniffle and sneeze a lot. I'm sure my facial expressions when I saw them spreading their germies so freely was pretty apparent haha!

I can't help it, I've never been a good poker player.

Anyways, with Jocie having a hard time breathing, producing more snot than any little human should and hacking a lung; we've been taking it pretty easy this weekend.

The weather around here has been off and on sunny and warm, to cool and cloudy ... it changes within minutes so we all stay surprised.

We decided to go outside to get some fresh air and continue my challenge of getting Jocie over some of her sensory issues. Among the things she doesn't like, grass is one of them. I sat her down in it, and she actually didn't cry. Her face showed obvious disapproval, but she didn't cry or scream.

{Maybe if our grass were more luscious & less patchy, she wouldn't mind so much? haha}

She didn't want to sit in the grass long, so I was prepared with a blanket.

It was a perfect afternoon to slow down, lay on a blanket, enjoy the cool spring breeze, sing songs, talk and have some quality time together.

          We've been in our PJ's ALL.DAY.LONG!! :)

After about 30 minutes or so, Jocelyn really started to quiet down and seemed so sleepy. Problem with not being able to breath? You also don't sleep well which she already has a problem with.

I scooped her up, snuggled her close and off to sleep she drifted. It was almost instantaneous.

Even warrior princess' need their beauty sleep!

Car Wreck

Over a week ago on Friday, April 29th {which was 'Good Friday' of course}, Jocie and I got into a wreck as we were on our way to her physical therapy appointment in Topeka.

There we were, driving South bound on Gage Blvd like we do several times a week, when out of nowhere a gold, 4-door car comes barreling out of the Day Light Donuts parking lot making a left-hand turn into my lane. I assume he/she didn't want to get stuck behind all the cars that I could see in my rear-view mirror ... in fact, I'm about 100% positive that was the reason this car was trying to bolt in front of me.

This careless donut-eating phen nearly T-boned us, on Jocie's side of the van no less, and to prevent that from happening, I slammed on my breaks and then had to swerve a little bit into the lane beside me. I saw the car coming up fast on my right but either way, someone was getting hit and I was hoping the car on my right would slam on their breaks too to prevent us from colliding, but no such luck.

So although I prevented the gold car from hitting us and having a major wreck, I still ended up in a fender-bender with an entirely different car.

It was such a lose-lose situation!
          FRUSTRATING!!!

Regardless, it was my fault because I can't prevent a car wreck only to cause another one, but I'll be damned if I was going to let Jocelyn get hit if it were at all avoidable!!
     
Really, the whole incident was far more scary and nerve wrecking than the actual damage that occurred to both cars.

Here was the damage to our van.

Not so bad!

Could've been much worse, and it would have been if I didn't swerve and end up in the other lane. The other lady's car had about the same amount of damage, but to her driver-side front panel. We took pictures of her car as well, but those are on Justin's cell phone.

Right after the wreck, I called Justin and he was so sweet to come from work and make sure his girls were okay. It was nice having him there with me while we waited for the police and to get everything settled -- he's such a phenomenal man!

Even though the accident didn't look too bad, the damage was still estimated at over $2000 worth of repairs, a $500 deductible on our end and about $40 in rental van fees. Still, I'm thankful it wasn't much worse, that everyone involved were safe and it didn't cost a fortunate to fix.

I was a little bit worried about the other driver at first, she was a Hispanic lady named Mary, but I was worried because once I figured her age, I felt terrible. After talking with her a bit, I found out that her "babies" were 42 and 44 years-old!! So she had to be at least in her 60's!!

She was a pretty sweet lady hugging me when we met and then said "That little fucker came out of nowhere!!" After I stopped laughing, I was relieved that she saw the other car too. That gold car that I mentioned above totally took off and didn't even stop to see if any of us were okay even though he/she was the one that caused everything in the first place! Jerk! And another positive thing was that since we both had the same story, I didn't get a ticket/traffic violation!! Whew!

Mary was on her way to get her hair done and of course this put a damper on everything that morning. She told me "Don't think I'm not still going!" haha She was kind of funny. She did freak me out a little bit because she started talking about how sore she was, how her left knee was hurting pretty bad and I couldn't help but think "Please God! Don't let this woman sue me for something. We have enough to deal with right now."

I didn't say much too her other than things like "I'm so glad we're all ok" and "our cars are still drivable, so that's wonderful" in the attempts that she wouldn't go down that slippery slope of "I'm hurt and going to sue you" path. I was achy pretty quickly afterwards too though and part of that I think happens when the adrenaline wears off and your body's going "What the hell?!"

She told me several times how her car had been the "best car I've ever owned" and how wonderful it did on fuel {I already felt bad enough and yep, she was making it worse}. Even though her car was a 1997 old and rusted Honda Accord, it didn't matter. It was a reliable car for her, did what it needed to do and she valued it. I've been there - where people look at your car and think "Geesh, that's a piece of junk" for you to only feel like you need to defend how much you need and love your vehicle.

Either way, whether she took the money or got her car fixed, it didn't have to come out of her pocket and for that, I'm REALLY thankful for the heap of insurance we pay.

Justin was wonderful in ensuring so many of the "to-do's" were completed before he left -- God love him -- He set everything up with the body shop and with Enterprise without complaining a bit. He got our van into the body shop by Tuesday and done by Friday morning.
         
          Impressive right? He aims to please!

Not only that, but on Tuesday, Justin left the house early to take the van to the body shop, switched out the car-seat to the rental van, drove the rental back home so we could get to preschool that day, went to work; and then did it all over again come Friday. Sometimes he really truly is my knight-n-shining armor!!

All-in-all, everything turned out okay in the end. It might have been rattling getting into a wreck with having Jocie in the car with me, a bit of a headache jumping through all the hoops and juggling everything, but I am finding myself endlessly thankful in the end for so many reasons!!

MIA

So much has been going on these last few weeks, and blogging has simply NOT been at the top at the list ... even with how much I love to do it!

Sorry for being MIA lately.

Between celebrating Jocelyn's third birthday, starting preschool {we have 4 days, so 2 weeks, under our belt -- and there's enough that has went on with this newest escapade for an entire blog -- but more on that later}, getting into a car wreck, starting our garden, business stuff, working out, breathing, living and getting Justin ready to leave for a few months -- I've just been tapped out each day!

We ended up celebrating Jocelyn's birthday on Saturday March 23rd and we had a WHOLE HOUSE FULL!! I really didn't think very many people would be able to come, but thank goodness we've got a big living room/house!

I totally was NOT on top of my game, so the day before the party, I had EVERYTHING to do. I had to get the stuff to make Jocelyn's cake, the ingredients for the sweet treats and the meal, things to decorate with, etc etc...

.

.. a tiny bit of PRE-PLANNING would've served me well!!!

No matter, thankfully there are things like Hobby Lobby and Wal-Mart!

About the only thing I did in advance, was make the party invitations/thank you cards, and order Jocie's cake pan which took FOREVER to actually get here.

{For making the invites myself, they turned out pretty cute! I blurred out our addy & personal info for blog purposes. I don't want my personal info out there for everyone to see! Since blogs are public, its fair game for whoever, can't be too careful!}

And the thank you cards weren't too bad to make either. Now cutting and gluing the front & back together, and having the edges match up? Not my favorite part!! Maybe next time I'll order them! haha

Here is what the cake pan/decorations were intended to look like, but we had other plans. Since Jocie likes Special Agent Oso, we decided to try and make that with this cake pan.

{I was shocked how EASY making the cake was! It turned out well! I thought I'd have to make it several times over, but I got it right the 1st try!! That never happens! Of course I had to make a confetti cake because that was always my favorite as a kid!}

After I made the cake, it took forever to cool. And yes, I waited to make it the night before {genius idea ... I know!}, so I was being sort of impatient because of the time crunch. When I went to transfer the cake to a cooler area, I about damn near ripped its head off! Seriously, I would've cried on the spot I think hahaha.

While the future OSO cake cooled, I jumped on making a few extra treats ... mini cupcakes! The problem with these? They are entirely too easy to eat!! I made much more than this, but Justin and I couldn't get our grubby hands away from them!

Once I was finished making the mini cupcakes, I was able to finally get to crackin' on decorating the teddy bear cake. Now listen, this was my VERY FIRST ATTEMPT at decorating ANY kind of cake! I wanted to do something special for Jocelyn just from mama {even if she doesn't really eat food by mouth}, and I was determined to give it my best. I would officially like to say, someone should have told me that this would take 4 plus hours to do!!! I had NO IDEA how long it took to mix icing to the correct color, pour into bags, pipe it "just right" and so on. And to top things off, I only had ONE size 18 cake decorator thingy {I can't remember what those tip things are called} but yea, if you are piping stars with 6+ colors, you want more than one icing tip!!!!! What a nightmare! I was so tired by the end!

Justin kept tell me, "It's okay, this first one can be practice." I'm sorry ... "This first one" ... "practice?" Yea, this coming from someone who was NOT helping and instead watching Duck Dynasty or something on the History Channel. NO WAY was I going to bake another cake and do all this over again. Come hell or high water, I was going to make this thing work, and if for some reason it didn't? OH WELL!!! haha

I have to say, after all that hard work, I was really pleased with the end result!

{I was SO THRILLED that I got the colors pretty spot on & that it didn't turn out to be a big hot mess of a cake! I actually did the red gel part first and then went from there. I love the contrast & shiny part of his vest, but when I first did it, I wasn't too happy & almost scraped it off. After everything was said and done, I looked at the finished product & thought about how I should've covered the cake with icing as a base coat first, how the smile is crooked, how the white part of the eyes should be more circular, etc but you know what? It was a cake of love & all the imperfections make it ... well, PERFECT!}

Here's proof that I ate ENTIRELY too many cupcakes and frosting in general! How else was I suppose to stay awake until mid-night to finished this? 9pm is my preferred bedtime!!

For one reason or another, Jocie is terrified of group singing. Poor girl! And yes, she cries even when its just two people singing -- so sad!

Between Justin and I, we got everything baked and decorated. He was mainly on decorating duty. His tactics proved ... uhm, interesting?!? He "creatively" put streamers on the door frames ensuring that every "design" was different. :) It was daddy lovely and "unique" to say the least hahaha. He also aired up several balloons and put them on Jocie's desk, the stair banister, etc. And keeping Jocelyn's impaired vision in mind, we made sure they were LED birthday balloons! :)

While Justin decorated, I made Jocelyn her birthday shirt. It was super simple and a play off of being Irish and the whole St. Patty's month. Iron-on's are my friend!! BUT, take note, its important to actually do it on an ironing board (which I do have), but to get it done more "quickly" (yea, right), I just thought "Hey, I'll just use the kitchen table." Wrong, wrong, wrong idea!! Now my table permanently shows the imprint of Jocie's bday shirt. Oh well!

Here was J's shirt:

In the mean time, I also made pounds and pounds of homemade lasagna with garlic bread. I made one with 2lbs of sausage and one with 2lbs of hamburger, but both with rotel sauce ... so so good! No one should've left hungry, that's for sure! After I made those and had them in the oven, it was time to get cleaned up and be ready to have some fun with the family.

All three sets of grandparents came, Jocie's uncle Kevin and a friend of his (all the way from Indiana!) and our friend Brian, Dani and their daughter Kailee. Others were going to come, but keeping true to Kansas weather, a big snow storm was rolling in mid-afternoon.

I'm so disappointed in myself because I didn't even get my camera out. All the pictures taken above were with my phone and I only got one with Jocie (and she wasn't the happiest little camper either), and one with my mom. :( Later that night I talked to Justin about how we didn't get pictures of everyone at the party, with Jocelyn or anything.

Total Bummer!

I'll just have to make sure that doesn't happen next time!!!

Here are the only two pics I got, which are also really poor quality. :(

{Yes, I had to wear green to match Jocie! haha}

{I'm glad I got this one with my mom -- we don't take enough of them together!}

For days after Jocelyn's birthday and birthday party, I kept thinking how lucky we are to have her in our lives, all that we've been through and continue to embark on, and how much everyone loves us. SO MANY people wished Jocelyn a happy birthday, texted me, sent cards, a gift, came to her party, etc. There is no way to express how much everything from everyone meant to me ... to us!

Being loved is the best thing in the world and that we are ... SO LOVED!!

Thank you everyone for making Jocelyn's birthday so special and memorable!!!