Bombarded

The last two days have been a test of my patience and character. I've made a conscious decision to respond differently ... positively ... to those who are so blatantly rude to Jocelyn and I in an attempt to preserve my heart and integrity, and to try and set a good example for Jocelyn.

Allow me to share with you two stories. I'm only picking two stories as I don't have much time, but trust me when I say that in the last two days, I have been bombarded with rude, arrogant and I guess basically those who simply speak more than they think.

So here I am in Wal-Mart of all places (I hate going to big stores because there is almost always a person there that seems to want to share their tiny mind with me), at the customer service desk needing to exchange a few workout shirts (they were really cute so I was excited to get to run in them). Anyways, I take them up to the lady and tell her "I need to exchange these please" and then go about getting a different size. When I come back with my different sizes the lady says "Well, I guess we thought we were smaller than we really are huh ... you had to go up 2 additional sizes." Really lady? I mean, rrrrrrrrreally? Why does anyone comment on the things a person buys? As I stood there looking at her disheveled, uncleaned, oversized appearance I had a million different thoughts run through my head...

Instead of saying, and doing, what initially popped into my head, I looked at her and said "Yep, and I look fieeeeeeeeerce in them honey."

As this lady was doing all the transactions to exchange my items, a different lady was standing behind Jocelyn and I. Jocelyn was sitting in the cart minding her own business and looking all cute when this lady came closer, leaned towards Jocelyn's face and said "Don't you think its about time you lose that pacifier little girl?" When I looked at the lady I asked her "Are you talking to my daughter?" (I knew she was, and not sure why I even asked that, but I did). The lady didn't answer yes or no, but instead replied "Well how old is she anyways? Big kids really shouldn't be dependent on those things ya know."

I think because people say things to us all the time, I know when I'm about to explode. Its like I feel this bomb go off in the pit of my stomach and its contents soar up my chest and throat, then out my arms, fingertips and mouth. The grace of God must've been with me this day because for the first few milliseconds, seemed like minutes, I didn't say a word. Instead I thought to myself, "I'm trying hard, so hard, to learn how to deal with people these days and I have not one, but two nitwits right here at the exact same time. Is this a joke?" I told the lady "I've learned that many people ask and say stupid things because they don't know our situation, so I don't hold that against you." I turned back around to the Wal-Mart employee that was doing my transaction and thinking surely this lady understood that I had nothing more to say to her, but no, that wasn't the case. The lady didn't seem to understand that I didn't want to hear anything she had to say, but she pressed on with asking "Well whats going on with you guys then?" LEAVE ME ALONE!

Ultimately, I did end up telling her that Jocelyn was a preemie and had cerebral palsy which then her whole demeanor changed. I shouldn't have to tell people my whole life story though. Why does someone make it their business if a child has a pacifier "too long?" Its not their kid. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind people asking questions about Jocelyn ... how we do things, what does this mean for you guys, where we get stuff ... I love it in fact because those who ask, instead of making remarks or comments to my daughter in hopes that I hear them, are asking so they can understand or learn, not because they think I'm doing something wrong, want to correct me or feel "they know best."

Enough about those ladies, on to the next story...

So yesterday I planned a full day for us which in part included going to the library to find books about Fall/Autumn, leaves, apples, pumpkins, harvesting, etc. After an early nap and lunch, Jocelyn and I took off. Once we got to the library, I got the stroller out, unbuckled Jocelyn and then picked her up to put her in the stroller. When I picked Jocie up she instantly started vomiting everywhere. We don't know why she pukes, but trust me when I say we hate it as I'm sure she does too, and the fact that it happens so much is exhausting. But anyways, Jocelyn was vomiting really hard, it of course was going everywhere, and I'm trying to hold her in a good position. I've said it before, it is hard to hold a 30+lb kid that has cerebral palsy with low-tone, while they are vomiting, so their body isn't collapsing all the while trying to keep a good airway.

As Jocelyn was vomiting (we were in the parking lot of course), people would pass by making comments and literally just stop to stare. If your going to stop, then help me. There is very minimal common courtesy anymore.

One lady stopped in front of us and said "Gosh is she sick? She is getting puke all over you guys." Another lady told her kid as they passed by "Come over here, you don't want what they have." Finally after Jocelyn was done vomiting, I had the aftermath of cleaning us both up with new clothes (well for Jocelyn anyways ... I just rinsed my shoes off). I changed Jocelyn in the back of the van into a new outfit (didn't even have to change her diaper ... just a pair of shorts & a shirt) and someone in passing said "It's not appropriate to change your daughter in the middle of the parking lot."

Seriously you guys, I'm either going to lose it one day or need some strong anxiety meds to deal with everything each time we try to go somewhere. I refuse to allow people to determine what kind of person I will become because if the world had its way, I would be secluded, self-centered and consumed with hatefulness.

All I can do is keep learning from each experience and hopefully surpass my expectations for myself. I pray I learn more of God's wisdom with how to deal with the general public and society itself.