This-n-That

Not too much has been going on around here in the Powers' household. We've been staying inside where its warm and away from the bitter coldness and people's nasty germs! Seems like everyone we know is starting to get sick, actually sick or getting over an awful bug. So far this winter, we have all been healthy ... trying to keep it that way {key word: TRYING} ... but I'm sure soon enough it will hit one of us.

We actually didn't go to one single place this Christmas. Kind of weird, but it was nice to be HOME! We did pack up the van and head out to go see my family on Thursday the 27th {I even got up at 4:30am to ensure we were all on the road by 6am because Claflin is far away and wanted to make sure we got plenty of time with everyone}, but just as we were getting on the road and almost hit the Interstate, my mom texted me to let me know that my nephew was sick and vomiting throughout the night. I'm thankful she let us know so we didn't get sick as well, mostly so Jocelyn didn't get sick, but I was also bummed that we weren't going to see my nephews before they headed back to Florida. I don't get to see my nieces and nephews enough ... always miss them! It's a lot of work to leave the house for an extended period of time {many truly don't understand ... its hard for parents with small kids in general, but things are different with/for us and we always have so much to bring "just in case" etc}.

So like I said, we haven't been doing much besides being silly ...

{On a side note, Justin's been growing out his stache just to drive me nuts!!!}

{She was REALLY wanting to chew on this bottle and I grabbed my camera as fast as I could because we couldn't stop laughing -- definitely one of those "you had to be there" moments because she was seriously almost growling haha}

Doing some studying for an another upcoming schooling for the military ...

I've been enjoying our wall of Christmas cards this year and see it all day long since its on the inside of the front door.

Last year I had them all on my fridge, but now that we have a different fridge with the freezer part on the bottom and double doors at the top, that wasn't such a good idea. I think I didn't take down my 2011 Christmas/photo cards until we moved in April/May!! Can you believe that? They always make me smile, feel loved and I enjoy seeing my friends and family's smiling faces. Guess I just plain like them!! :)

All week long we've also been doing our normal therapy stuff but not intensely whatsoever!! Its so easy to get burnt out as progress is slow ... if any. :(

{I look SOOOO tired! I'm sure I was haha and yes, those are books to
make the bench taller haha Yous gots to do whats you gots to do!}

{Working on some walking while being fascinated with the condensation on the door}

{Of course we've got to spend some time in the stander -- at least she was smiling}

{And our least favorite? Floor work!}

In other news, my newest addiction this past month has been recycling.

Is that lame?!?!

 

I can't help it -- I'm totally hooked for some reason. Now that we are living in Shawnee County and they implemented an easy recycling system, there is no reason not too. No matter if you participate or not, it will still cost you $4 a month {which is super cheap in my books ... not to mention that I'm thankful for that its not pricey because if you have no choice in the matter, at least its not an expensive one!}.

 

I've always wanted to recycle but in the past its been quite a bit of work to sort, haul and then unload it all. Oh, and not to mention in many towns, you have to be put on a waiting list for them to come by your house for pick ups! Really?? No wonder more people don't recycle.

 

So anyways, they gave us a huge, clean trash can that everything can be piled into with no required sorting. I'm honestly embarrassed by how much we should have been recycling all along. In just two weeks, I have the thing nearly full!! I get after Justin now because I'm like "Hey! Don't throw that in the trash honey ... it just needs to be rinsed and put in recycling."

 

I'm sure you can imagine how thrilled he is with me right now!! haha

 

I've also totally fallen in love with Nutiva Coconut Oil.

It has a true coconut smell and not that sweet, sticky fake coconut smell. Its ridiculous how many ways you can use this stuff, but my personal favorite lately, is simply using it directly on my body!! If you put some in a bowl and use a mixer, it turns into a smooth, fluffy, whipped mixture that instantly melts on your skin. Love the silkiness and that its natural.

If you're interested {I found it interesting and have tried many of these "uses" out already}, you can click HERE to see a variety of uses for coconut oil. I'm not saying all the uses listed really work, but I have discovered that several do! :)

A little bit of personal tidbit --

          I've ALWAYS had a problem with razor burn/bump along my bikini line {I hate hairiness ... TMI? ... can't help it ... I do!!! And MANY of us deal with this issue ... both men and women!}, but its always so painful and unsightly. Seriously, no one wants to see that!!

          But this stuff is EXCELLENT as "aftershave" and it virtually takes none! It doesn't clog the pores, smooths skin, heals with it anti-inflammatory/anti-bacterial properties and it smells super super good!!!! Since I've been using it? No burn ... no bumps! Besides, what girl doesn't want extra supple skin?

Speaking of things I'm stoked about ... the hubby ran to Subway and grabbed us sandwiches for lunch {for all of you that don't know, I use to work at Subway during my high school days and I still love love LOOOOVE it!!!}, and we both ate for under $5! Can you believe that?? Now, they were cold cut combos and I'm not a huge fan of those, but for that cheap, I'll down one with a happy face! Besides, when you pair any sandwich with Arts & Marys Jalapeno Chips {BEST.CHIPS.IN.THE.WORLD!!!}?? You got a hell of a meal!! :)

Now that I have a full and satisfied belly ... perhaps its nap time?

Christmas Memories!

We are enjoying being together as a family this year during this Christmas season. Last year, we weren't as fortunate with Justin being deployed to Kuwait. Now that Jocelyn is a little older, its especially nice that we get to be together to make sweet memories.

Christmas Eve was a fun one last night. We didn't go anywhere, but we filled the day and evening with good stuff. We mostly played together, made lots of "bad-for-you" foods and of course ate lots.

Part of the yummy festivities included making Nutella cookies and chocolate-butterscotch fudge {both of which I've never made}, and a new banana bread recipe which turned out to not be our favorite, but still decent.

{We made up a goodie-tray and took some to our neighbors. It brought
a smile to their faces, so our ultimate goal was achieved! :)}

The fudge was a pleasant tasty surprise, but the Nutella cookies were a homerun with the hubs!

{Such a handsome and mostly sweet fella!}

We didn't stop with those treats -- We still needed something for supper!

          HOMEMADE PIZZAS were the desired Christmas Eve meal!

{We both used basically the same toppings but mine totally tasted better -- just ask me! The toppings? Lots-o-sauce, pepperoni, canadian bacon, fresh cut pineapple, jalapenos and mixed cheeses. I honestly can't remember the last time I had such a good pizza!!!}

We've had Boogie's stocking hanging for a while {she has a super cute pink sock money that plays Christmas music and of course she's now terrified of it ... poor girl!}, but before we went to bed, Justin says "We can't forget to hang our stockings for Santa to fill!" We've never bought ourselves stockings, so he did some improvising.

{He's so silly and I love him all the more for it!}

Then comes our Christmas morning.

Boogs thought it was an excellent idea to make sure we all were awaken with giggles at 4:45am. She has been sleeping relatively good since giving her melatonin, but today she was rearing and ready to go! Surprisingly we were pretty awake and indulged in her early morning fiasco.

We spent the wee-early morning hours cuddling in the recliners watching "Elf" -- Great way to start the morning!

{She's so full of laughter in the mornings! I was holding her new PJ's
and candy that was in her stocking. She's getting so big that Santa
had to bring 4T PJ's and she's not even 3 years-old!!}

Before we opened presents, we made our first homemade donuts and Boogie even got to Skype with her Aunt Cindy which is one of her top things to do!

Justin wanted to be in charge of making the donuts and I of course was not going to object one single bit!

{The top picture is Jib's "dough raising" techniques haha -- He was busy at it!}

{They were actually pretty good! Justin made a coconut flavored icing -- YUM!}

After we all had full belly's, it was present opening time!!!

We didn't buy a whole lot of gifts -- we never seem too -- and I like that actually! :0)

Jocie doesn't care what she gets, she wouldn't care if she didn't get anything to be honest. She just wants to have fun and get attention ... all of which she gets lots of!

My favorite "excitement" picture?

{I can't believe I was able to snap this shot but its pure awesomeness!!!}

{Simple toy = simple pleasure!}

{This little vibrating bug cost $2 and it was instant love!! She giggled and giggled when I ran it up and down her back. This little sucker is powerful because her whole hand will vibrate!}

We even got each other Christmas gifts this year. Justin said he loved his coupon book the most which of course made the effort worthwile! :)

And the best part?
          Just simply being able to hug and love and kiss on one another!

Boogs is seriously the sweetest thing I've ever laid eyes on.

And one of my most favorite pictures of the day?

Boogie was loving how crazy we were getting with the wrapping paper. She loves to tear things and thought it was the best thing on earth when we were crunchy it and making it rain shiny paper haha.

I'm so thankful for today ...

          Getting to be with my family ... all day ... not having to be anywhere ... not leaving to go to one single place and just enjoy one another? That is truly better than any possession on earth.

Thank you sweet Jesus for giving and blessing me so much! Today as I celebrate being with my family, I also celebrate you my beloved Jesus. Happy birthday King of Kings!!

Dirty in Public -- Our Dilemma

Here's our dilemma ...

What do we do when Jocie is dirty, in need of a diaper change, and we are out and about in public?

Use a baby changing station you say?

Why sure, that would work ... in the past! And you would be surprised how many businesses do not even have one, or a handicap stall!

Now that Boogie is nearly 3 years old, over 3 feet tall and over 30lbs; those little baby changing stations no longer work. If we get rrrreally lucky, we sometimes find an extra large changing station or better yet, a counter or bench; but that rarely ever happens.

So if you were us, if you had a child like our sweet Jocelyn that was unable to stand, has difficulty sitting independently at times, unable to assist and help you with changing themselves, that continues to grow larger with each day passing and with a real likelihood that they may perhaps always be in diapers ... what would YOU do as his or her parent?

I hate even thinking about Boogie being in grade school, high school, a young adult ... and perhaps still requiring a diaper for her toileting needs {on a side note: the Kansas Department on Aging (KDOA) would slap you up side your head if you ever refer to an adult as wearing a 'diaper'...I still remember a few things from my employment days ;)}.

Our ability to control both our urinary and bowel needs, are controlled by our muscles which in turn, are controlled by our brain. Since Jocie has had extensive damage to her brain, she has problems controlling her muscles {which of course is what gives her the diagnosis of cerebral palsy} and even that ability to communicate that she has to go in the first place. Unfortunately, Jocelyn has been diagnosed with quadriplegic cerebral palsy, so the degree of her muscle tone &/or strength that is affected, is relativity significant and plays a large part in dictating her ability to control toileting functions. As if that's not enough, we then of course have the communication piece which is just as important as muscle control.

Kind of feel like that's two strikes against us. :(

When you first find out that your child has CP, their future toileting ability is totally not on your radar. But as your child grows, develops and you begin to plan future needs ... this aspect becomes huge. Its a huge ordeal as a parent and what that means for you, but definitely also what that means for Jocelyn. Its a gigantic milestone when a child is officially potty-trained, and even a more momentous occasion when a child has CP. I pray that one day we can achieve this desired goal.

Until we are blessed with toileting abilities {and I pray so hard that God grants us this prayer}, we will continue to have to face this problem head on.

So again, what would you do?

Here have been the options in the past:

1. We now have a van and the back seats have been removed. When its feasible, we change Jocelyn in the back and put any dirty/soiled diapers &/or clothes into plastic bags and dispose of them later. Sometimes this doesn't work because like it is now, its cold ... or, when we are in the middle of shopping and Boogs requires a change right then. After you are already in a store, with a full shopping cart, would you take your child out to the van to change them? No way!
2. The second option has been to simply do our best with whatever changing table/station we can find. Recently this has gotten pretty scary and it simply is no longer a safe option.
3. Use a family restroom and lay down a whole bunch of paper towels or a trash bag that is longer than Jocie's body so that shes not laying on the nasty, disgusting floor. The problem? There are rarely family restrooms and sometimes there aren't even paper towels.
4. Bring a blanket or towel along and use that on the floor as a barrier. Once you are done using it though, then what? Roll it up and put it in the backpack? No way! Gross! Put it inside a trash bag and then inside the backpack? Perhaps, but still pretty gross and takes up so much room.

Right now while Jocelyn is still light enough {and I use this loosely because she is a HEAVY nearly 3 year-old. Boogie might not look like she weighs a lot, but when a child has low tone and doesn't assist you with some of their weight when you go to lift them, its almost like dead weight and making it all the more awkward}. Once Jocelyn becomes older and heavier, we will have to reevaluate our options.

It was suggested for us to change Jocelyn in her wheelchair {the back of her seat reclines fairly well} or to use the Tomato Jogger Stroller that we've recently acquired {this thing completely lays flat which is actually pretty awesome!}. The problem with both? Right now, changing Jocie in her wheelchair doesn't work because we need more space {she gets pretty messy ... like, a need for a whole new outfit messy} and her hips hurt pretty bad. The jogger would work great, but it's really long and not ideal for shopping in stores.

Other suggestions that we've received when asking other special needs parents were "Don't go out in public" {uhm, yea ... that was helpful and yes, it's extremely hard taking Jocie out and about, but its GOOD for her and me!}, or "Keep your daughter at home while only one of you go out" {again, its good for Jocie to get out, and not to mention that the hubby is often gone so then what?}, and others say that they double-diaper their child {I don't particularly know how this would be helpful or good for any child, let alone one like ours that often needs a wardrobe change}. None of these ideas would work for us, so we started brain-storming.

Justin's idea:
          A portable, collapsible cot!

Not a bad idea eh? He is borderline genius but don't tell him I said that!
     If we use something like this, then we wouldn't have to change Jocie ON THE FILTHY FLOOR, it fits inside its own tote bag and can be easily cleaned.

Bad thing?
     Its relativity heavy, long and more expensive.

The actual idea that's going to be implemented starting now:
     {until Jocie's too heavy to safely get up off the floor that is}
          A yoga mat inside a yoga mat carrier!!!

The perks?

     Its lightweight, can easily be disinfected, portable, inexpensive {mat and bag together only cost $17!} and will attach to Boogies wheelchair easily!! I love that I found this cloth, cinchable bag to house the yoga mat so that this will prevent contamination of the diaper bag which contains Jocie's feeding supplies, etc. With a permanent marker we labeled one side "FLOOR" and the other side "CHANGE." Oh, and look, that little pouch on the outside will hold disinfectant wipes so we can clean the mat right after using it!! Yay! Oh, and look again, we subconsciously got K-State colors hahaha double yay!!!!

Hopefully this solution will work well for a long while, or like I said, until we hopefully achieve some form of potty-training!

My Sister Sent "Warmth"

How did she do that you ask?

She sent me her SENSEO!!

 

My sisters had her Senseo for probably 5 years or so, and ever since I had a cup of coffee at her house with this sucker, I have wanted one! They aren't terribly expensive {nothing like a Keurig} but it was a "want" of mine and not a "need" because I have an old traditional large pot coffeemaker, so I never could seem to make myself buy one.

 

Luckily, my sister's husband is a coffee fanatic and has this super fancy coffee machine, so she didn't need her Senseo anymore. So like the good big sis she is, she sent it to meeeeee!

 

Not only that, but since she sent me her Senseo, I've been having a heck of a time finding coffee pods in town. So what did she do? She took that extra, thoughtful step and yesterday, by total surprise, I got like over 50 coffee pods in the mail!!

 

          ***SQUEAL***

{Look at all this deliciousness!!! The ones in the zip-lock bags are
Cafe Classics, Donut Shop Classics and Marley Coffee variety packs}

I was so surprised when I opened the box to find all this coffee because that meant I was actually going to get to use the Senseo now -- I was acting like a kid who just got that "must have" toy or that delicious piece of candy. I literally was squealing! haha

 

This morning my flavor choice was cinnamon coffee cake and Justin had french vanilla cruller. Don't those sound delicious? Then, right before Boogs and I headed out the door to go to therapy, I had to try another one. The best part? It took SECONDS!

{Yes, I took a picture ... I said I was excited dang it!}

The next one I tried was called jelly filled {I thought it said jelly fish haha mmmm "this coffee is so salty" hahaha}. Anyways, the jelly filled flavor was AWESOME! When I opened the package I instantly smelled jelly. Now, if your like me, both my mind and face said "eeewwww ... jelly?" I mean, don't get me wrong, I like jelly and all, but its not like "woohoo! JELLY!!!" haha But so far, this is my favorite! SO GOOD!

 

Look at how good this coffee looks!

Yum right??!!! :)

 

I know to many, something like this might not be a big deal, but I've been wanting something like this for a while, and my sister didn't have to take the time and money to mail it to me. She could've kept it, sold it, whatever ... but I'm thankful she thought of me and wanted me to have it!!!

 

Thank you, thank you sissy!! Because of you, now I'll have yummy warm drinks to get me through the winter!! 

Homemade for the Hubs

With today being a snow-day, and with Boogs feeling so crummy and sleeping quite a bit,

{not sure if she feels crappy because we messed with her shunt yesterday, or

if its simply that this bitter weather makes her muscles more tight which in turns

causes her joints to hurt. Either way, she's been a whiny, cranky bear today}

but I managed to find some time to make the sweet hubs a homemade Christmas present.

What did I make?

          A Coupon Book!!!

Way back when we first started dating, which was like 10 years ago or longer, I made something like this for him for Valentine's Day and he loved it. As the years pass by, its easy to let the simple things slip right on by as well. So this year, I thought I would get back to something heartfelt, meaningful and definitely a gift that will keep on giving!!

Here is an example of the coupons I made -- The PG version of them anyways haha -- ya'll don't need {or WANT} to see the others! C'mon, I'm his wifey ... gotta make it fun! ;)

I was thrilled that I found vintage looking paper and little ways to decorate and dress them up them on the computer before I printed them. I was going to make super cute ones with all types of embellishments, then stopped and thought to myself "Who's my husband again?" and then remembered he wouldn't be into that!! So this is about as fancy as he'd want which is a-okay with me! :)

After making up approximately 50 cards, I printed one of us and tied it all together with some leather string and a cute epoxy brad {on a side note, I didn't know that the little tab thingies I use a lot, were called epoxy brads until my friend Sarah told me hahaha}.

Here's how it will look when Justin opens his present in only FIVE DAYS!!! {Can't believe Christmas is in 5 days!!!}

{There actually isn't a brown spot on Jib's nose -- some of the leather came off and I didn't see it until now. It won't be there later obviously, but I think they turned out great, will make him smile, feel special and I'm sure he'll love all the fun coupons inside}

Some people don't really like homemade things, but they take time, energy and thought so I always feel good about making and giving them.

I'll have to post later what I made for some of the sweet gals in my life!

"I Like Myself!"

Over the weekend, my parents came to visit. We ate great food {and WAY too much of it}, had good conversation and Boogie got lots of love from her grammie & grampie!

Grammie made sure she took lots of cute piccys of Miss Jocelyn!

Daddy and I even got yummy treats from the parentals -- cinnamon & caramel popcorn from Topsy's and homemade crackers! Double-the-yum!

My parents wanted to go to Barnes & Nobles Sunday morning and pick out some cute books for Boogie as Christmas presents.

THERE IS ALWAYS SO MANY TO CHOOSE FROM!!!

Good problem to have! :)

My mom perhaps found the best children's book ever!

The book is called I Like Myself! by Karen Beaumont
 
This book has all the qualities every children's book should have: colorful pages, fun pictures and a good story.

I love that Jocie likes this book because it also has a good message that would do everyone good to hear.

So, like the crazy person I am ... I'm going to write the story.

I like myself! I'm glad I'm me.
There's no one else I'd rather be.
I like my eyes, my ears, my nose. I like my fingers and my toes.
I like me wild.
I like me tame.
I like me different and the same.
I like me fast.
I like me slow.
I like me everywhere I go.
I like me on the inside, too, for all I think and say and do.
Inside, outside, upside down, from head to toe and all around, I like it all!
It all is me!
And me is all I want to be.
And I don't care in any way what someone else may think or say.
I may be called a silly nut or crazy cuckoo bird - so what?
I'm having too much fun, you see, for anything to bother me!
Even when I look a mess, I still don't like me any less,
'Cause nothing in this world, you know, can change what's deep inside, and so ...
No matter if they stop and stare, no person
Ever
Anywhere
Can make me feel that what they see is all there really is to me.
I'd still like me with fleas or warts, or with a silly snout that snorts,
Or knobbly knees or hippo hips or purple polka-dotted lips,
Or beaver breath or stinky toes or horns protruding from my nose,
Or - YIKES! - with spikes all down my spine, or hair that's like a porcupine.
I still would be the same, you see ...
I like myself because I'm ME!

Isn't this THE BEST message anyone could hear? And especially a child! Can't help but think that the child inside of us all could benefit from loving ourselves a little bit more, and if we all did, the world would probably be a much happier place. We are all guilty of being able to point out what we don't like about ourselves, whether its something physical, an ability we lack, wishing we had a talent, that we were more social or more friendly, that we could cook or bake, be able to fix our cars or house without breaking a sweat ... the list is endless ... the negative is easy to focus on!

It's hard to love others if you don't also love yourself, and I'm talking about the "love yourself" with no stipulations or reservations!

My favorite part of the book was this little portion ...

"No matter if they stop and stare, no person
EVER anywhere can make me feel that
what THEY SEE is all there really is to me!"

 

Perhaps I liked this section so much because people stare at Jocelyn, and myself, so often and who knows what they are thinking. Half the time I don't really want to know. But as luck would have it, I was reading this exact book to Jocie at the store to see if she was even interested in it before my parents bought it for her, and right before we got to this part of the book, some lady walked all the way over to where we were sitting, just to stand in front of Jocelyn and gawk, then walked away.

She didn't say a single word. She simply stood in front of Boogie, gave her the "up/down" a few times, then walked off.

It was the most ridiculous thing and she couldn't have been more obvious. I even asked my mom, "Did that lady seriously just walk all the way over here just to get a better look at Jocelyn?" I had to ask my mom because I thought surely I was imagining it! Nope! Total rudeness was written all over that situation.

 

Since Jocelyn does stand out in so many magnificent ways, I truly do hope that she knows even if people do "stop and stare," that there is SO MUCH MORE to her than they will ever have the pleasure to see!

Broken-Hearted

There is so much sadness and pain right now that seems to be effecting everyone! Its the topic of every social network and every channel is talking about the shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, as they should be, and every time my mind wonders to this horrific crime, I find that I get angry and yet want to bawl my eyes out!

You don't have to know those families, the school, that community; for this whole ordeal to effect you on a personal level. This massacre effects everyone because the reality is that this could happen anywhere at anytime. You start to realize you really aren't safe anywhere. You think the simplest of places aren't a threat but they are, or could be. You realize the mall, the movie theatre, church, walking down the street ... a school ... aren't "safe places."

Many have not forgotten the 2007 shooting at Virginia Tech that left 32 people dead, but there is something about a shooting spree in an elementary school that is even more hideous. There really are no words to even describe this situation.

When you drop your kid off at school sure you might think "I hope they have a good day" or "I hope they don't get picked on" or something like that but you never, ever think "This might be the very last time I ever see, hear, touch, smell, kiss, hold my child!" You never think someone has the devil himself inside of him or her, and is capable of walking into your child's school and slaughter a whole slew of children.

The name Adam Lanza will always coincide with the image of a monster in my mind.

Its devastating to lose anyone, but something is particularly difficult to swallow about your loved one being taken by the hands of someone else. Those staff members that died by this mans hands, probably died from protecting those kids, loving those kids ... because they "got in his way" or because he had some personal vendetta against them. They are heros! And the children {My eyes are literally filling with tears as I sit here} ... he had to look at those children's terrified faces, push past any humanity that we all have inside of us, then consciously pull that trigger knowing he was the one that was sealing their fate of premature death.

I don't care who people choose to blame: guns themselves or gun control, lack of God in the school system, Lanza's childhood or possible psych issues, his upbringing or parents, society, that he never "fit-in" ... blah blah blah.

I blame HIM and him alone!

You can't fix people.You can't MAKE them seek help. You can't stop people from doing wrong. You can't help those that don't want to help themselves.

Sure, you can offer help, open the door for them to step through, be supportive and proactive, try and find solutions, a different outlet, offer guidance, education, medicate, counsel and so on. But unfortunately, you can't stop stuff like this. So what do you do?

I wish I knew.

Make no mistake, the devil is real and working hard in this world to take over us all. One by one he wants to take over each of our hearts, dictate our actions and motives, reside as our "King," but he is not more powerful than God ... he isn't! Even through this, I know that God is more powerful. I will not, nor do I want to ever hear from someones lips, that God has a purpose for all of this!! Will God reign victorious through this chaotic, painful, devastating mess? Yes! But never will there be a purpose or a reason for this!

There is no way to comprehend this type of tragedy although many of us will try. After all, we have to don't we? How do you go on and function normally if you don't try to internalize something like this, make sense of it or come to terms that this is our worlds reality? Do you make yourself not think about it? Try to simply forget in regards to "Out of sight, out of mind?" How do you go about your day-to-day business if this is always in the back of your mind?

You can't!!! But somehow we all will.

Yesterday, like many of us, you think of your own children. I looked at Jocelyn, in her wheelchair, so physically dependent and thought "She couldn't even run away ... she might not even have understood what was going on or that she was in danger ... what would her fate have been?" And even as I type the thoughts that ran through my head, my heart physically aches and hot tears sting my face. I would be utterly destroyed if she was taken from me in such a vicious way. Justin hates when I think like this, and definitely doesn't like me sharing these fears out loud to him, but again, this is my truth and fear! Those children that survivied will never forget what they've been through and it will echo throughout their entire lives. We all have fears as individuals and definitely when it comes to our children.

Yesterday, the worse fear imaginable for 20 parents came to pass. Yesterday, 6 adults lost their lives. Yesterday, a community was shattered. Yesterday ...

... countless lives were forever changed by one persons actions!

ONE PERSON!

I often hear, "How much can ONE PERSON do? How can ONE PERSON change anything?"

This is how!

My heart is utterly broken and forever changed!