Broken-Hearted

There is so much sadness and pain right now that seems to be effecting everyone! Its the topic of every social network and every channel is talking about the shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, as they should be, and every time my mind wonders to this horrific crime, I find that I get angry and yet want to bawl my eyes out!

You don't have to know those families, the school, that community; for this whole ordeal to effect you on a personal level. This massacre effects everyone because the reality is that this could happen anywhere at anytime. You start to realize you really aren't safe anywhere. You think the simplest of places aren't a threat but they are, or could be. You realize the mall, the movie theatre, church, walking down the street ... a school ... aren't "safe places."

Many have not forgotten the 2007 shooting at Virginia Tech that left 32 people dead, but there is something about a shooting spree in an elementary school that is even more hideous. There really are no words to even describe this situation.

When you drop your kid off at school sure you might think "I hope they have a good day" or "I hope they don't get picked on" or something like that but you never, ever think "This might be the very last time I ever see, hear, touch, smell, kiss, hold my child!" You never think someone has the devil himself inside of him or her, and is capable of walking into your child's school and slaughter a whole slew of children.

The name Adam Lanza will always coincide with the image of a monster in my mind.

Its devastating to lose anyone, but something is particularly difficult to swallow about your loved one being taken by the hands of someone else. Those staff members that died by this mans hands, probably died from protecting those kids, loving those kids ... because they "got in his way" or because he had some personal vendetta against them. They are heros! And the children {My eyes are literally filling with tears as I sit here} ... he had to look at those children's terrified faces, push past any humanity that we all have inside of us, then consciously pull that trigger knowing he was the one that was sealing their fate of premature death.

I don't care who people choose to blame: guns themselves or gun control, lack of God in the school system, Lanza's childhood or possible psych issues, his upbringing or parents, society, that he never "fit-in" ... blah blah blah.

I blame HIM and him alone!

You can't fix people.You can't MAKE them seek help. You can't stop people from doing wrong. You can't help those that don't want to help themselves.

Sure, you can offer help, open the door for them to step through, be supportive and proactive, try and find solutions, a different outlet, offer guidance, education, medicate, counsel and so on. But unfortunately, you can't stop stuff like this. So what do you do?

I wish I knew.

Make no mistake, the devil is real and working hard in this world to take over us all. One by one he wants to take over each of our hearts, dictate our actions and motives, reside as our "King," but he is not more powerful than God ... he isn't! Even through this, I know that God is more powerful. I will not, nor do I want to ever hear from someones lips, that God has a purpose for all of this!! Will God reign victorious through this chaotic, painful, devastating mess? Yes! But never will there be a purpose or a reason for this!

There is no way to comprehend this type of tragedy although many of us will try. After all, we have to don't we? How do you go on and function normally if you don't try to internalize something like this, make sense of it or come to terms that this is our worlds reality? Do you make yourself not think about it? Try to simply forget in regards to "Out of sight, out of mind?" How do you go about your day-to-day business if this is always in the back of your mind?

You can't!!! But somehow we all will.

Yesterday, like many of us, you think of your own children. I looked at Jocelyn, in her wheelchair, so physically dependent and thought "She couldn't even run away ... she might not even have understood what was going on or that she was in danger ... what would her fate have been?" And even as I type the thoughts that ran through my head, my heart physically aches and hot tears sting my face. I would be utterly destroyed if she was taken from me in such a vicious way. Justin hates when I think like this, and definitely doesn't like me sharing these fears out loud to him, but again, this is my truth and fear! Those children that survivied will never forget what they've been through and it will echo throughout their entire lives. We all have fears as individuals and definitely when it comes to our children.

Yesterday, the worse fear imaginable for 20 parents came to pass. Yesterday, 6 adults lost their lives. Yesterday, a community was shattered. Yesterday ...

... countless lives were forever changed by one persons actions!

ONE PERSON!

I often hear, "How much can ONE PERSON do? How can ONE PERSON change anything?"

This is how!

My heart is utterly broken and forever changed!