My Grandma

My grandma, Dolores Schneweis, passed over a week ago now, and somehow that is all I continue to think about. Oddly enough, even though she is constantly on my mind, I'm having a really hard time talking and blogging about her.

I keep thinking about her, the memories, my grandpa, my dad, her other sons, her other sisters (my grandma was actually a twin) ... family in general.

Once a person is gone, you always wish you had more time with them. Or I should say, that you MADE more time for them. Called more often. Had more lunch dates. Had more family gatherings. The list is endless.

The truth is ... there will "never be enough time" with a person you love.

I've been pretty fortunate to have went this long in my life without losing anyone really close to me.
          Many are not so lucky.
                   
I realize, without a doubt, that we are ALL going to past away. Eventually we do. Of course we do. But for some reason, its always a shock.
          A surprise.
And even though I know in my heart, I truly know in my heart, that I will see her again in heaven ... those thoughts or statements made by others rarely bring anyone any comfort.
          Or at least not much to me.

My grandma passed away on Saturday, July 13th, early in the morning while sleeping comfortably in her favorite recliner. It was her birthday. She turned 84 years-old.

Her and my grandpa, who is still alive, and both hurting and lost, were married May 27, 1953 in Great Bend, KS. They've been married FOREVER!! I pray this will be true for my own husband and I.

I simply can not imagine living each of my days with my husband. The million memories made, all the laughter, struggles and children created; then wake up one morning, and my beloved is simply gone.
         Gone forever.

My grandparents had eight children.
         Seven Boys: Leon, Richard (my daddy), Mark, Alan, Paul, Tony and Mike
         One Daughter: Bernadette (who passed as an infant)

My grandparents were blessed with a large family of their own kids and as a result, were further blessed with seventeen grandchildren and eleven great-grandchildren.

My grandma loved everyone so much, and she indeed was loved in return.

My grandma always wanted the family together for holidays, events, etc. What grandma doesn't? I think it makes ANY grandma's heart soar to see her children, their spouses, their grandchildren, all laughing, eating, talking and enjoying themselves together as a family.

I always loved how much my grandma spoiled me when I was a child. I don't know if it was because of all the dirty, stinky boys she raised; if it was because she loved a house full of chaos and laughter; or if it was because she missed her own daughter so much and displayed that with and through me.
          Perhaps all of the above.

My grandma was a phenomenal cook. Her cooking skills later declined as typical when we grow older, but I clearly remember her delicious cinnamon rolls, kolaches, plum coogan and many other recipes. During the vigil service, many of the boys talked about how hard grandma worked to ensure there was food on the table for all of them and how much they would miss her good cooking.

There were a lot of wonderful stories told about my grandma during the vigil service, and I so badly wanted to get up there and talk about her from my perspective, but it was hard to even think about actual words coming out of my mouth.

I loved how my grandma seemed to have endless patience with me. I clearly remember running amuck in her house and she never seemed to yell at me. She would let me help her cook and bake which was a total messy disaster yet she never acted annoyed or inconvenienced. I always felt loved, wanted and never like a nuisance. She let me get into everything. I was a tornado with the toys she kept upstairs, she let me bang on the piano for hours because "I wanted to practice," she tirelessly put those little pink foam curlers in my hair so I could have the cute perfect little curls even though I screamed and cried the whole time (I wanted the dang things, but I was inpatient as any kid, and they weren't comfortable!), she would let me play with her embroidery stuff and use these fancy paint sticks to color my own tea-towels ... and although I am no longer a practicing Catholic, we even said the rosary together which I loved. She got me my very own rosary and we would spend what felt like hours cuddling next to one another simply reciting the verses. I know that sounds awfully boring, but at the time, it seemed so special.
         ... She simply embodied everything a grandma should be.

How lucky I knew my grandma ... that she was MY grandma!

Here's a picture of those curls I just haaaaad to have!

I wish I could find more old pictures with my grandma. Here's one of my sister and I with her and grandpa when we were younger.

I'm thankful that my grandma had the chance to meet my own daughter.

 

I've learned through the years and when I was working for the Kansas Department on Aging, that as a person ages, its easy for the people around them to forget that they once were in their 20's and 30's. That they were once wild and crazy. Had dreams. Made them come true. That they drove cars, had opinions, were flexible and agile ... that at one point in their lives they weren't so dependent, didn't hurt so much, didn't sleep so much ... didn't have their memory fail them.

 

My grandma suffered from Alzheimer's which was worsening and deteriorating her overall health. Alzheimer's is a horrible thing for the person that has it, the care-takers and the family around them. I know over the years my grandma's personality and demeanor were changing, but I will ALWAYS remember the woman she truly was.

 

I love you SO MUCH grandma -- what a God-fearing, faithful, beautiful woman you are!

 

Even though my grandma's passing has been painful, it was nice getting together and seeing everyone at her funeral to celebrate her life.

 

I got to see my sister, Cindy, and my brother, Jon, as they drove up from Florida together.

 

And I was even fortunate enough to see my nephews, Donnell and Tristen!

{I can't believe Donnell is taller than me!! They grow too fast!}

After my grandma's funeral, we all managed to remember to get photos together.

 

{We even managed to get a picture with my mama and soda pop! We also were able to steal my other brother, Matt, long enough to actually get him in the picture as well. I'm missing a brother here though, him being in the pic would've made it perfect. Well, that and if my grandma was in it. I know you couldn't come brother, but we missed you and please know we love you so very much!!!}

And maybe my favorite picture ...
My grandpa with his seven sons and my grandma's twin, Sister Mary Lawrence.

 

Thank you grandma for loving all of us like you did. For loving me. For being a tremendous example to everyone.

 

I love you dearly!!